With what we had on our plate for the day, I knew my mothers day would be quirky at best. Gabe had an early morning soccer tournament that Eric took him to; and although I had plans to sleep in, our heater (which is a 100 year old boiler system) decided to kick on at 6:50am  because it’s May in Ohio and of course it’s cold and it sounded like a drill going into a pipe in my bedroom. I was super tired and out of it thinking the neighbor was building something and was mad at them in my head. Then I realized that it was mothers day morning, and I should be nice in my head instead.

A little sad that I wouldn’t be getting breakfast in bed I headed downstairs to grab a cup of coffee, maybe I’ll take it upstairs and relax, I thought. I got in bed and fell back asleep for a little bit, my coffee cooling down beside me on the night stand. Not too long after I heard the pitter-patter of little feet. Rosie was awake, I knew she’d be excited. Groggily I urged myself out of my sleepy state (this is what mom’s do, we sacrifice for our kids…all the time)...and I walked down stairs. At the bottom of the steps there she was, posing with a smile, holding my mama bear mug, “Happy Mother’s Day” she squealed. 

This was the cutest thing I had ever seen.

Hiding my current coffee cup behind my back because I didn’t want her to see I already had one, I took hers in hand. I could tell she wanted to make the morning special, but in her own little 8 year old head, she knew she could only do so much. What she did do, she did with all heart. God, I love her. 

Once I secretly allocated coffee from one mug to the other we took our love to the sun room and snuggled with my pup. This is a weekend morning tradition. After awhile Rosie shared with me that she was hungry, and I could tell she had some ideas cooking in her head. “Will you make an egg mom and then go back to your room in bed. You don’t have to go to sleep.” Sure, I said with a smile. I made an egg for myself and dropped it on a plate and headed back upstairs. So touched by her effort, I waited for her in my room as sounds of the step stool scooting around the kitchen filled the house. 

Sometime later little miss opened my door carrying her plastic pink tea party tray loaded with a toast, juice, my egg, and a flower in a small vase. Then my heart melted on the floor. She snuggled in with her own breakfast after making many trips downstairs sweet thing. We continued the morning with a Disney movie, Brave, my favorite.

Unfortunately my older two kids were sick, and Eric and Gabe wouldn’t be home until after I left to perform in a matinee show for the play I was in. I saw out of the corner of my eye some flowers, chocolate and homemade cards awaiting me. We would all be together soon. It had been tech week and my clothes were everywhere. I took some time to put them away, playing some uplifting mom play list on my phone. The sun was starting to creep in along with the cool breeze and I was thankful for a moment to re-calibrate after such a taxing week.

Even though I had no where to go I decided to dress up for the day. I put on my flower jump suit and invited Rosie to grab a treat with me for lunch. We walked down the hill to my favorite little coffee shop and ordered an apple pastry and cappuccino. Rosie got a milk and an oatmeal. The weather was warming up so we grabbed a table outside and sat next to some potted petunias. The conversation was quiet, (mostly about her birthday wishes) but I was enjoying being present with her in the moment. My pastry was too sweet for me, her oatmeal too bland. So we switched.

Watching all the mothers and daughters stroll by brought me joy. We were near the bike trail, and I could catch families rolling down the trail in a line of bikes and trikes. People in their Sunday best coming home from church or mothers day brunches were all over our little town. Little kids hand picking flowers and holding them out for their mothers hearts to grab. And although I wish I was with my whole family, or my mom…I was still thankful to observe the love that seemed to be bursting at the seems. People were honoring their mothers in togetherness. 

My call time for the theater was creeping up on me so we headed back home shortly after our treats were finished. She asked to play video games and I took the dog on a short walk. It was time to get on with the day. I hoped we could celebrate with everyone later on. 

The play went so well and I met so many of the other cast members moms, it was so neat to see them enjoying their grown kids endeavors. After the show I headed home, we had plans to grill out and enjoy the weather on the deck. Everyone was doing their things. Gabe was tanked from playing two hard soccer games and the teens were still resting. I grabbed myself a glass of wine and took to the porch. Well, at least I can treat myself in the moment. Not too long after Eric all showered up began to make dinner. He sounded like he was getting a cold. As I began to worry that here he was doing all the things and not feeling well, I encouraged him and Ben to take a COVID test. 

Both, were positive. Argh.

And all of a sudden, the isolating began. I finished serving the dinner. They sat at a separate table and we masked up. We ended the night with some mothers day cards and the boys retreated to their isolation head quarters - the basement. The littles and I watched a movie that Gabe picked out, because I was zapped of trying to keep the day full of my choices. Snuggles were enough.

Mothers day ended up being very different, but sprinkled with such sweet intentional moments it really got me thinking.

After tucking in the little kids I came downstairs to relax and think about the day…and of course the potential fall out of 2 of my family members having covid. Lily and I had already had it, but I needed to be extra careful. We were negative and symptom free and hopefully would remain that way. 

Flowers and chocolate that Eric gave me sat on the table. Even though I missed him, the intention meant something to me. As I sighed in disbelief of how the day turned out, my oldest came down with a ukulele and asked if she could play me a song she wrote. Taken back, I welcomed her to the couch with me. Her beautiful voice began to fill the air with a light wispy coloring of notes…

My heart filled up again. It was beautiful. 

Mother’s Day reminded me of what being a mom is really like, imperfect. Hard, lovely, unexpected and sweet all at the same time…motherhood. What I have found that matters much more than met expectations or perfect parenting is this, presence. Like any relationship, when you show up in whatever way you can with whatever gifts you have…it matters. We cannot be perfect. Days and holidays cannot meet a standard of perfection. Perfection is impossible. What we can do, is honor the people we love with our time. With our intention. With our presence. And with who we are.

As a mom I mess up all the time. Just ask me about my latest tooth-fairy debacle! What I do do, is give my kids my attention when I can and I show up with my heart. When they are talking to me, sad about something, happy about something…I can listen. I can share in their joy or their frustration. I can love them in the moment. And they, they do the same for me. They reflected it back in a song and a pink breakfast tray….

Even though our day is over, the call of showing up as a mom never stops.

Whatever kind of mother figure you are - mommy, mother in law, mama to be, grandmother, auntie queen, teacher mom; it might not be perfect, it might be hard, it might take wild turns…but your presence is so important. With whatever you have to give, give it. With whatever time you have with them, honor it.

Even if you feel ill equipped…push that step stool chair around in that kitchen until you find what you are looking for. All that intention filled with love, it matters so much to the receiver. 

Keep loving them well. Keep making them smile. Keep helping their little worlds go around. Keep listening to those grown up kids problems. Keep laughing with your teenagers. Keep letting their lights shine and seeing who they really are. Celebrate each other, celebrate the little ones in your life…and remember mamas…perfection doesn’t matter…presence does.