I’ve been quiet here. 

Sadly, my dad passed away early in December. His health faded quickly and just a few weeks ago we kissed him goodnight, before he crossed to a place where we could no longer follow. Weeping together we watched as he left our lives and our home. The finality of it all was very real. 

Days passed. Tasks divided. Things organized. Pictures laid out before us on the dining room table. Memories cascaded to the front of our minds. We felt the emptiness that he left, a space that will no longer be filled up with his character and spirit.

Every day I feel a void, that can only be filled with remembrance. 

The service we had was stunning, a beautiful honoring of who my dad was. Family and friends showed up and I found myself wishing he was there, for he loved all these people so very much. Why do we only gather with our favorite people, at the end? I wondered.

And now I have no words to say. Just loss.

So what do I draw from it? 

I know I long to bring a kinder voice to this world with the words on my heart. Yet, encouragement slips my mind and nothing rolls off my tongue.

All I can see is the love that my dad spread, the legacy he left and how he tried to make everyone laugh. A life well lived. Imperfect. But well lived. And well loved.

I am going to let that settle in for awhile.

I’d like to say that if you are experiencing loss or loneliness this Christmas, I am so sorry. It’s hard to be around holiday cheer when inside your heart just feels worn, sad and really tired. You are not alone in that feeling.

If you are in a place where you are able to enjoy all the things this beautiful season can bring, than I wish you the merriest of merries. Perhaps you can hold up some light for those of us that are not in that space?

For a little light goes a long way when it’s dark.

And we don’t need to all shine at the same time. Some of us, need freedom to go dim for awhile. And that’s okay too.

So with a quiet love I whisper blessings to you this Christmas. I hope that you’ll hold those that are dear to you, flaws and all, close.

For if there’s anything I’ve learned it is that only memories last beyond a lifetime. They are reflections of the one thing that never actually ends, love.