Post It Notes
We are on a countdown.
A few more days and back to school the kids go. I am attempting to cross off the rest of child 3’s summer bucket list. We have the water park left to go. Phew. At target the other day we finished up the school supply shopping and my oldest said over the post-it notes aisle, “Hey mom this will be the last time you take me school supply shopping!”
Wait, what? In my mind I heard a record scratch. So I snapped a pic as fast as I could because I realized it was the start of all the “last time…” things.
Having a rising senior might be the end of my mama heart. So many huge moments are putting me in a precariously tender spot.
Teaching her to drive. Looking for a car. Scheduling Senior Photos. Putting homecoming and senior prom in my calendar. The most regular things are also jarring like bringing the college post cards in from the mailbox and forwarding emails from them that flood my inbox typing, “what do you think of this school, hon?” Smiley face emoji but also cue internal sob.
Throughout our summer of galavanting around we incorporated college visits and although it was exciting and even reminiscent at times, it was also alarming. Picturing moving my daughter in and letting her fend for herself on a random college campus is enough to send me into a worry spiral as I nod and smile to her wonder.
We’ve raised a smart, strong, independent, capable, hilarious and kind young woman but still…the act of searching for the place where you will depart with the first baby you taught how to get dressed, use the potty, use her words, share toys, read, write, buckle in a seatbelt, ride a bike, pet a dog gently etc. is so bizarre.
I can’t really describe the feeling of beginning something that is going to be the end of something. And it’s not just the end of a chapter but the end of an entire series. The first series. I trust I have the whole year to figure out how to mourn, celebrate and keep sacred all the moments at the same time. Lord bless it.
Even without having a senior, the end of summer has always felt monumental. Everyone moves up a year. Everyone lets go of last years grade and age. Everyone changes and moves forward to a new year and a new time of becoming who they are.
Yet, I know that truly never stops as I still work on becoming who I am. It’s just not as noticeable as a grade change.
If you are a parent I wonder how you take simple moments that you know will one day be important memories and put a seal on them for safe keeping. And are you also preparing for a big year for someone special in your life?
If you aren’t a parent, I imagine you might still feel a shift is in the air as you walk down the backpack aisle or notice the busses practicing their route. What memories does it bring up for you and are there certain things you do when a season ends and a new one begins?
I find reflection helps me the most to to excavate the jewels from a beach full of moments in time. It supports my growth as a human when I can pinpoint where I learned something. Understanding where I felt something. Witnessing where I overcame something.
Reflection helps me to shift forward in my own becoming
Every day. every season, every place. We are all becoming.
As summer closes it’s beautiful season of open blooms and hot days, I wish you many blessings. Even though the heat will continue here in Cincinnati, a chapter begins and with it new pictures! May the next page we turn to renew our spirits and enlighten our paths in all the ways it possibly can.
Sending love, tears and tissues if you need them…
XO
Jenna
