I’ve been thinking about you. I know it’s been awhile since I’ve written and I can’t quite get my heart around this “pen.” Everything that comes out on this page tends to be sad and unworthy of your beautiful listening ears, dear readers. 

Since my dad passed in December grief hits me like a tidal wave. I’m floating along, doing my life and occupying my time…then all of a sudden I’m dragged into the undercurrent of emotion. For days the tears don’t stop and my heart physically hurts.

Then, life demands I be busy and I go on. The tide of grief recedes back to it’s resting place and I am functioning once again. Happy, laughing, enjoying the company of others. Only, I know there will be another wave coming when I least expect it. I am okay with that, I just haven’t figured out the best way to handle it.

Internal instinct says there is no best way. It’s all apart of losing someone you love so quickly and so unexpectedly. Writing for me is so therapeutic but it is also so vulnerable, and so I have found a giant necessary pause between blog posts.

I’ve thrown myself into exercising with friends, getting all the feelings out of my body. For me, it’s not only a job but a big healthy distraction. We can only hold so many sad feelings in our bodies, I guess that’s why I am on a search for joy. It is keeping my head above water.

(side note: that mind-body connection is so illuminating to me)

I want so much to bring you encouragement, for our world is full of so many other things that distract us from a peaceful journey. More often than not, I find I have lost my basket of hope-filled word gifts. Instead it’s full of feelings and actions I don’t understand. 

I know that I’ll find it again, my hope words. Until then, I wanted you to know that I think of you often and pray you find inner strength during trials that come your way; and pockets of happy amidst your days.

You are worthy and special and loved all your own. Nothing else to be, other than yourself.

Will talk soon, beloveds. Here’s to you. Until I feel a little less lost…

Xo,

Jenna