Not enough or Just enough

As we near the end of summer I am taken back to how little time I have left to create adventure, rest and everything in between. The school emails, pencils being displayed in the stores, and all of the “must fill out this emergency form” is reminding me summer is ending. It reminds me that my kids are moving onto another year, another age, and that I have one year less.

I have noticed a common thread in conversations as of late. How do we make our moments count with our kids as they move on in years? And, how do we not feel the pressure of making every moment count, as we are only human? Spread thin humans. Tired moms with hearts of gold but don’t have a lot of energy left to execute all of our intentions. And is there enough pockets of grace to not have done it all, maybe done some, but mostly hung on?

I often catch myself between these two pillars of thinking. On one hand less can be more in that it gives way to freedom, independence and organic moments. On the other, it is very easy to coast by once your kids are able to fend for themselves. They are out of diapers, getting their own snacks and thinking about braces, cars and colleges. Once you can count the years on one hand that you have them in your house, a gut wrench ensues. I’m not kidding, it hurts a bit. Maybe to some, it feels like relief. To many of us, it insights panic. 

Not only have we not saved enough for braces, cars and colleges...but I am questioning if we’ve done enough. Have we made enough memories? Have I had all the important conversations? Have they enjoyed their childhood? Will they come home for Christmas? Will they be kind responsible adults? Lord knows they don’t know how to save money if candy is involved! And goodness, what happens if I don’t remind them to do normal things like pick their underwear up off the floor? Their future roommates are really in for it. 

These thoughts and many others storm my mind and heart, I am flooded into “Oh crap!” mode. It seems there’s little time left to do all the things and guilt begins to pile in. The idea that I’ve missed it starts to cloud my mind and make me feel like a “not enough” parent. Attention: There’s a deep hole you can get swallowed up there, so before I fall in I render my thoughts still. I pause to remind myself, they are okay. And I tell those shame swallowing thoughts to hold its horses. My kids are loved. They are fed. They are kind. 

My kids know how to do the dishes and the laundry. They know what it feels like to be able to do things and not do things. They know what it’s like to earn money, save it and blow it. They’ve had vacations, trips and family time and adventures. Maybe not the most extravagant, but we’ve had them. And, they know they have a mom and dad that is over the moon for them. And isn’t that the most important? That they are seen, known and loved...just as they are. 

I reinstate this truth to myself every time I am about to feel that punch to the gut time tick, because if there is anything I can recall from my youth it is those things. My family loved me, my friends were important to me and I was able to launch into the world. I learned, I made mistakes, I figured it out...and I ALWAYS came home for Christmas.

Isn’t that what I can hope for my kids? Because the truth is, we can still have conversations. Memories can be made over a lifetime! In fact, I am still making them with my parents and siblings..so why do I think that won’t continue? I don’t need to squish it all in the next couple years, and neither do you. 

So, maybe this little insight will help you when you start to spin at how many years your kid has left in school. Listen to me, you are doing an awesome job! Tell them you love them, hang out when you can, engage in those teachable moments...but also...relax. We can’t do it all and be everything. We can only be us. We can only try our best. And even then, when it’s not our best, it’s okay. 

No one is expecting perfection...just you. So why not give that old Pinterest perfection a kick to the curb, eh? Let’s put on our “oh yeah I am human” hat and it’s okay, take a deep breath. As my husband likes to remind me, “we are getting the big things right,” and that’s the truth. I guarantee you I’ll be late to the next parenting gig, and everyone will be alright.

One day at a time, is all this world gives us anyway. No use in worrying about tomorrow or about what was missed on the yesterdays. Allowing moments to grow and take up the right amount of space just as they are, that feels a little more palpable to me. 

So at then end of summer and the start of another school year, I say to you fellow parents, Cheers!  We are doing a great job. Just as we are, just as they are. You absolutely are enough. And you absolutely are doing enough. And when you start to feel like you are on borrowed time, just remember…there’s no limit to love.

Let that thought rest on your heart, it might fit better as you watch your kids grow.