The Stage of Pursuit
We are at the end of July and I am stunned at the very quickness in which summer has moved. With two teenagers actively involved in swim team and summer theater and two school age children needing play dates and entertainment, I haven’t quite found the rest that usually comes in summer. It has only appeared in the mornings while everyone slumbers till their hearts content. It is there that I find my time, and my rest.
Though I am lulled to the day by quiet mornings, the latter part of my days are filled with energy, activities and comings and goings. And so as a mom I need to find a new rhythm with it. A new place to rest. A new energy to play. An ear to listen when I am tired. And a new way of engaging.
Every time my kids grow, there is something new that I need to learn about them. A fresh beauty develops along with a unique humor and characteristic traits all their own. A fun aspect of their age buds and so does the opportunity to cultivate more to our relationship. If I am willing to tend to it.
It would be easy for me to go on autopilot right here. They don’t cling to me for snacks anymore, or beg me to play Candyland. The wiggle whining asking to watch cartoons has come and gone. Now they flee to their rooms to read, leave to hang out with their friends or unwind with their video games. Independence has increased and interaction has decreased.
The beauty of this stage is, it is not as intense. And, it’s easy to feel a little more relaxed. No one is going to melt down if their hungry, well...other than me. What I find more difficult, is the realization that it’s up to us. It takes our own initiation to engage. We have to want to. And that’s the thing.
It’s very easy to let them go do their thing all day, the house is quiet or at least, I’m only seeing them emerge when they are hungry. One might even find themselves able to get things done, read, watch a show, be aimless...what have you. However, too much of that ease comes with a price, a loss of connection.
Everyone needs their space and in the summer, time is a beautiful thing. The days are emptier and there’s a clean slate to create the day you want. But I am beginning to recognize those moments when it’s been awhile since I’ve spent time with my older children and feel the need to pull them into connect.
Maybe you are in this stage too, or like me you might even be divided between the needing attention stage of younger kids and the not wanting attention stage of teenagers. Perhaps you feel a tug to connect but are overwhelmed with how to do it. As a mom it can be tough to balance this season of parenting. I love how independent my kids can be but in my heart I also don’t want it summer to slip past me before I get a chance to enjoy it with them. So how do we create some pockets of togetherness before summer is up?
Here are some ways we have found to engage everyone (in a not so painful matter):
Nature Hikes (try out the local parks and hit the trails, you will have resistance in the beginning, but ice cream rewards help for inspiration)
Walks after dinner (just around the block can spark some great conversations)
Chores together (believe it or not washing and drying the big pots can be fun, music is a must!)
Jackbox (an online tv video game that the whole family can play, entering their world of video games seems to be an easy entry point for all)
Game time in small afternoon interludes or while dinner is being prepped, we snag a couple kids to play a quick game. We like short, easy games that everyone an play. (Favorites: Sushi go, Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza, Exploding Kittens, Steal the Bacon, UNO, Trouble)
Lawn Games: We put up a badminton or set up croquet, and it’s easy to make it into family time. Tossing a frisbee or kicking a soccer ball works too. Does it get crazy sometimes? Yes. I think that heightened energy comes from a heightened sense of joy.
Swimming: At a pool, a lake, a slip and slide...wherever you find water I bet you can find some fun!
Bonfires: Marshmallows and camping chairs and a game of 2 truths and a lie are sure to create some memorable moments. And catching fireflies usually follow suit.
It takes a little bit of intention to connect with older kids, but once you see the fruit in your relationship it’ll make every other time that much easier to begin. And having a stronger connection before their next school year sets a foundation for the moments when they really need a place to land. With a month left of summer days, I hope you will find those moments to engage in simple ways with your kids that will foster joy and memory making anew.
For those of you with teenagers or young adults, what has worked for you? Share your tips and tricks below so we can learn from each other. I am always finding wise nuggets in the parenting of those a season of parenting ahead of me. Sharing is welcomed!
